People express love in different ways. Most often, they express that love in the same way they wish to receive it. And so, a partner who loves to spend time with you for example, will devout time paying attention to you and being there as much as possible, as a way of expressing his/her love for you. When this isn’t reciprocated, it often leads to hurt and disappointments.
Therefore, it is very necessary to understand how your partner prefers to receive love, so you can understand how to express that love better! We as individuals are different and so is our values. For better communication, learning about your partner’s love language is very necessary.
To discover what love language your partner understands, you must first observe and analyze the way they express their love to you. What they often request, etc.
According to Gary Chapman, author of THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES, from which I learnt certain things, (you should get that book if you haven’t). There are five different love languages. One usually possesses a primary one, and then a secondary. With these, you can effectively show your love.
Let’s learn what they are;
1 Words of affirmation:
This language uses words to affirm other people. Some people prefer to hear “I love you“, “I miss you“, and other affirming words from their partners as a way of showing they love them. A simple “You’re beautiful“, “You look gorgeous in that suit“, etc affirms them of your love for them. Words are the real value in this language. The same way, negative comments cuts deep and easily aren’t forgiven. From time to time, a partner who speaks this love language, wants to be affirmed by words, that you love them. No matter what you do, not verbally expressing your love for them is a deal- breaker. Say it!
2 Quality time:
This language is about devoting quality time and giving your partner undivided attention, which is what they value most. Unlike words of affirmation, telling them “I love you” makes no meaning if you aren’t spending quality time with them because ‘talk is cheap’. The main focus is listening, being present, (even if you’re far away, stay in touch!), and don’t get distracted around them. Being there for them is very important.
3 Receiving gifts:
What makes some people feel most loved is receiving gifts from their partners. You know, those tangible gifts. That wrist watch, that earrings, that bunch of flowers or chocolates, etc. This doesn’t necessarily mean they’re materialistic. But they feel loved and appreciated that you think of them so much to get something tangible for them. You know that feeling? ….”awwhh…s/he’s so thoughtful to get me this“. …”awwhhh…s/he’s thinking about me” etc. Makes you feel a special kinda way.
4 Acts of service:
For these people, action is the word! Don’t go buying them gifts or saying you love them if you can’t in any possible way, help out when they feel overwhelmed or working too hard. Seeking to please your partner by serving him/her or doing the things you know they’d love you to do is what makes them feel loved and appreciated.
Doing laundry, vacuuming, perhaps taking care of the kids while they take a short nap, etc. anything to help or lend a hand shows you really care. Therefore, if you aren’t willing to appreciate them by doing them a favour, you’re invariably saying you don’t value them!
5 Physical touch:
This doesn’t mean only in the “ozza room“, but everyday physical connections. Holding hands, hugging, public display of affections, etc. To these people, getting touchy-feely makes them feel secured and loved. And so, any instance of physical abuse may not easily be forgiven.
Importantly, even though your partner prefers a particular love language, it doesn’t necessarily mean you shouldn’t express others too. Everyone enjoys traits of other languages as well.
If you’d like to find out what love language you or your partner speaks, Click here
Before you go, please share this post and leave me your thoughts.
p.s “Ozza room” ~ Nigerian slang for bedroom.
Do you express/ show love same way you like to receive?
What’s your love language?
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